I’m over the worst of my sads, I think, and am now quietly gearing up for the period of time I call “angry bored”. That is, I’m sick of mucking around on computer games and almost ready to hit the books again. When I say hit the books I mean in a figurative, not literal, sense. Although given “angry bored” you might be forgiven for thinking I do, literally, hit books. Tempted, for sure.
I’m doing the usual job applications where possible. There’s a couple of Fellowships I missed out on applying for because angry-sad-procrastination-headspace so this current job crop is my last hope for the year I suspect.
If I don’t hit the books then the house jobs will be next. I’m still waiting to hear from my builder about the little renovation but in the meantime there’s a second coat to put on the fence; I could paint the wooden valance with another undercoat then top-coat it; or I could prepare some spring gardening. Plenty to do, now that I’m getting angry bored.
Knowing my rhythms as I do (not well, really, I’m still not all together present at the moment), I have to wait for my brain to take the brakes off and apply some acceleration. However I can feel the momentum building and the pressure mounting and I know I’m going to get shitty before long if I don’t start DOING something.
My gym work is going well, back in a good rhythm, although this weekend was bad for food and sober September faded sadly into regret. I can feel my body and brain gearing up for working. Like a Jack-in-the-box, I’m pretty sure I’m going to charge out of my current funk into something much more dynamic.
I’ve always been like this. Which is why I’m not worried about my behaviour of late. It WILL get better.