Getting myself in the state of mind for study is as easy as climbing Mount Everest, some weeks. I start climbing the North face, because it’s bright and sunny on that side, when a blizzard hits and I tumble down with an avalanche of long-overdue work and things I have set aside because my teaching is so time-intensive.
The last two weeks have been “school holiday” weeks, but I’ve not had any time off then because last week was audition week (9am – 5pm) 5 days, and the week before I was still teaching: I had all my uni students and a day of singing audition preparation with my private students, plus assignment marking. I get too buggered after hours to maintain a mental flow, plus I usually want to cook dinner or eat, or walk the dog. All the things one has to do to maintain a happy work/life balance.
So now, I’m back at work on my full time teaching load for the next 4 weeks or so, with only Fridays available. It’s so stop and start! I’m struggling to keep my head focused on my study because my brain is all tuckered in from working and doing the household and business finance, plus any other organising stuff I have to do.
This weekend we head to Sydney for a PD session on Singing teaching, and the next few weekends and evenings are a riot of busyness and work functions. ARGH.
Still, I can see where I am wasting time now: I am waking up at what a friend calls stupid-o-clock (before 6am) and while I’m not tired then, I rarely jump out of bed to study. Maybe my body is telling me to get my arse into gear and do the morning work thing. Maybe. Or just exercise, because it will be too hot this summer to exercise any other time.
I read a salient comic of Charles Bukowski’s poem Air and Light and Time and Space
http://zenpencils.com/comic/97-charles-bukowski-air-and-light-and-time-and-space/which basically tells me to shut the f**k up and just write, darn it. If I want to do this, I’ll do this. A great reminder to me that this work – in its own way creative – will be done if I want it done. So I must do it.