I’ve been having a lovely time obsessing about my current diet and exercise plan, plans for the house and plans for the new dog (name: Dougal or Poppy, depending on sex), and now that these are in train I have time to think and write again. Urgh. I’ve all these overdue articles to work on, and I’ve just opened one chapter for a book DH (darling hubby) and I are co-editing, and: BOOM. Urgh. Urgh and urgh again. I don’t wanna!
I’ve been putting these articles and book chapters off for so long they look brand new to me. Mind you, I’m rather impressed by how well I write at times. Always good to feel smug about one’s work. But now I’m supposed to do the work on them and finish one of the chapters and co-write 2 more, and then write another 2 with DH for a study we’ve been conducting, and it’s looking really annoyingly busy over the next few months. Blurgh. I just want to decorate my house and get thin and fit and be a “lady-who-lunches”. I really do. Instead, now that my teaching is nearly done for the year, I have all these left-overs to finish. And I betcha they don’t stop there. I bet that I’ll be doing all these little research projects for years, squeezing them into the teensy-tiny thinking gaps left over from teaching.
It’s not the writing that’s hard, it’s the structure of what I’m writing. I mean, it’s all really the same thing. Writing is really about the order of words on a page, in its most basic form. It’s the choice of words and the placement and the scansion and the flow. And right now it’s not flowing just yet. It will, I’m sure, but I’m having to revisit parts of my thesis to write this chapter and THAT’S a conundrum, because I don’t wanna look at it yet. Too cranky about it.
So while I can putter about noodling in my blog and “think of things I’ve never thunk before”, I still have to do that which I’ve promised myself to do (book chapters); that which I’ve been hired to do (research project); and that for which I will feel much better once I’ve done it (PhD). A love-hate relationship that shows me at my best and my worst. Whizz bang writer and whizz bang procrastinator. Blurgh.