Getting depressed about the future

Well, I’ve finally hit the unhappy part of my PhD. The part where I am beginning to be very afraid about what life holds for me in the future once I have the important bit of paper with my name and new title on it. There are very few jobs for Doctoral alumni in music. I need to have a new job lined up by August 2012, or, at least, a few grants lined up. I’m thinking of applying for a Churchill, and a Fulbright, and there are a heap of other Australian ones to go for, too. Unfortunately, the Churchill and Fulbright scholarships are short in length and won’t get me far, which is why I will need to apply for a Postdoc ASAP. I will be taking three weeks off in July 2012 for a trip to Greece and Thessaloniki, mostly for conference attendance. So my time is limited, and my money runs out then. I will have just enough funds to pay for the trip, having paid off the credit card in full, and then nada. Zip. No job. It’s scary. Hubby suggests going for RA on an ARC project, which would be good, but I want something with longevity. I’m not sure I could stand working for only 3 years on a project at .8 wage, with no assurance of permanent employment at the end. All too much! At the same time, I realise that I work best on small projects that have a relatively short life span. So working for three years at a time might suit me.

So, scared, depressed about my future, overweight, alone in an office. That’s my life right now. At least I’m enjoying the research.

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2 thoughts on “Getting depressed about the future

  1. I wonder if you are a Pieces. I am going through same thing right now, except no PHD. It is scary. Be positive. It’s not hopeless, it’s an adventure. Change brings discomfort, if we let it, focus on the good. Try to envision why you wanted this degree and try to find a plan to carry out what you were going to do when you got your degree. Be Positive, you are not allowed to be afraid, you have a PHD. Good Luck.

  2. Hmmm, I think it is pretty natural to feel afraid about the future, it is part of being human and admitting a frailty (hooray for you, you courageous woman, you!) Been reading Brene Brown’s books and she has this great idea about using a film lens and zooming out, rather than zooming in. You have great skills, a clever mind, and are employable. You are gorgeous, have a loving husband and work in a field you enjoy. What an achievement, paying down debt whilst studying. Who knows who you will meet at these conferences, what doors will open up. There may come a new business opportunity … who knows? A Phd …. pretty impressive. I think you are fabulous, not that it matters one jot what I think, but that is the internet for you.We can post what we think :p

    The future is a scary place, I try not to live there too often. The past makes me feel all wobbly. Today is ok, have food on the table, wine in the glass, work to do, family to love.

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